Tuesday, 17 June 2008
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Confused and distressed..
I was online yesterday, checking my facebook, and I saw a note someone had posted about an "end of the schoolyear survey". Well, I was curious about what it would ask, so I opened it up. At first glance it was just random questions.. what were your classes, who did you talk to in those classes... but the more I think about it, why can I answer that second question counting on one hand? In a class of 30 or so people, why do I withdraw myself to a select group of a few friends to talk to, basically ignoring everyone else in the room?
It's definitely a topic I'm going to be studying for awhile. My personality is not that outgoing, willing to engage in conversation with anyone at anytime, person. As much as I hate it, I'm constantly worried about what other people will think of me. This prevents me from just going up to someone and chatting. Why? The only one I need to worry about pleasing is God, and He already loves me.. so what's the problem? Okay, so not everyone can be that person.. there have to be some "shy" people in the world. Right? But why do I have to be one of the shy ones, when inside I'm crying out and wishing I wasn't, wishing I was the other person. Even though I should want to be myself, because that is what my friends love me for now.
I hate it though! I want to know everyone. I by no means push anyone away when they approach me and talk to me, but I've never had the ability to approach the other person. Why?Feedback would be lovely.. :)
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Comments (1)
I don't have a great deal of understanding as to why some people battle with shyness and why some people have no concept of what it means to be shy. I was basketcase shy in high school, scared to talk to anyone, esp. girls. A few months ago, a girl I hadn't seen in over a decade, who I had went to school with, found me on facebook. She sent me a message telling me about how I was one of her favorite people back in school, who had always been nice to her and could make her laugh. I remember actually talking to her on so few occasions that my immediate reaction was, "She remembers me?"
Sometimes your personality can come through even when you don't realize it. But it can be a pain to be in your shell. I've grown by leaps and bounds since those days, though I'd still consider myself somewhat shy. But I still don't understand all that much of what makes people - even me - shy, when many others aren't. I wish I had better feedback for you.